Call and Respond

It is just magical to witness you
How the light lands on all the right angles
You smile so feather light
Everything in this picture is perfect
From the flowers in your hair
To the men at your side
Even the babies seem peaceful
It all sings together in sweet harmony

Except me.

My hair does not flow in the wind,
It whips roughly against my face
The sun does not offer me it's love, 
It drains my composure with discomfort
And this smile, it is broken
Half real and half pretense for survival

I do not envy your life,
Please do not misunderstand
I wish I knew the happiness that fills it
Everything quiet and lovely that glows in an instant
I yearn to hold this close
Instead of feeling fearful of joy like it's a ghost in my home
And I would love to dream gently with hope,
But my dreams always host a shark looming close

I don't care for picture perfect,
It's never been right for me
But I wish I knew how to smile and feel it
If anything I'd beg for the voice to explain this 

And I want you to hear me
The words spat out have purpose
And they demand to be heard.


There is a pause, and you wander off
Disappearing in front of my eyes
A vacancy that leaves behind the ghost of your existence 

I've watched you come and go
First, with new etchings on your skin
Bright eyed with dreams
Then, you retreat
Returning with chopped hair and bright colors
You said you understood now
You were you

I never saw the bruises on your knuckles
Nor the cuts along your thighs
I saw your eyes were wide,
Yet never realized the sadness that lay behind

I saw the quirks, the lightness with which you walked
Gliding across the Earth with pride
The depth of your love for art
Paint decorating up and down your arms
But I didn't hear the storms dragging nearby
Nor see the chains strapped to your side
Never once noted the dark colors bruising below your eyes

Now you leave me wishing I understood
When all I can see is these signs
But then you were a wonderful mystery
That I wish had remained undefined.