the truth

I wish I could tell you it'll be okay
That I could lift up every weight falling on you
Warm you with the hope of tomorrow

I wish I could take the pain away
Make sure you never felt the need to cry again
Look up reassured you are not alone

I wish I could hold these things to be true
But I will not lie to you:
I won't always be there--I will let you down
Sometimes I may cause you pain
Sometimes you wont know hope but rather despair
It'll choke you to the edge of suffocation
But I know you, you will keep going
You will live another day
You will do better, be better than me

I wish that, more than anything,
Someday your tomorrow won't even include me.

Bitter Aftertaste

I am not allowed to say I don't like you
Despite every storm brought forward in waves
Like the fierce blow pointed at my forehead
Or the slamming down of everything stable in my day

I am not allowed to say you hurt me
It's embedded deep in my veins to respect
To not spit back the anger you pummeled me with
Nor break into tears because this is not the end

I am not allowed to avoid you
I drag along with a chain that keeps me in place
Listen to the number of ways I am wrong
Constant reminders that our life is frayed

I am not allowed to forget you
Biology works in awful ways
But if anything I wish I'd have a say
In how and if I should live this way.

Why do you stand in the way of progress?

Why do you stand in the way of progress?
You with the apathy
You shrug, you ignore
Act as if it's miles away
Event when it's spilling into your path

Why do you stand in the way of hope?
You the selfish
You fatten with the shrinking of others
Then claim it was your hard work, grit, and knowledge
And guard your earnings with rage

Why do you stand in the way of love?
You with the "faith"
You cling to words in a book
That don't justify your hate
Claim God Almighty
Please don't use His name in vain

Why do you stand in the way?
More easy to give love and embrace true justice
Then to stand with colors of blame

We have to care
We have to hope
We choose love and must live with faith
And someday I know,
You will no longer be a wall
But rather an open gate in our way.

Night Terrors

I was stabbed and bled today
but it was a dream, I said
So I stood, blood soiled clothes and weary
Trying to pretend everything was okay
I'm not dying, I thought
And no one saw my wound nor my exhaustion
Everyone acted the same
I dragged my feet zombie like
Someone pointed at a stain
Still no one saw I was dying
And I refused to believe it was real
Change the channel--I don't want anymore nightmares

I was stabbed and felt the killers breath
But I never saw their face.

Why

Why do you always smile?
A one in a million question
One that questions me more than my action
As if happiness were a sin
Perhaps lying is
The smile born of nerves
A forced muscle grown with time
Signaling nothing but I mean no harm
Move, there is nothing to see here

Why do you always smile?
Perhaps I've always been a broken record
But should one not smile?
Happiness is light on the surface
I embrace it when it visits
And yes, there is a masking effect too
One built from deep sadness and self doubt
I smile because I'm nervous and need a way out.

Why are you always so quiet?
As if silence were a monster
My patience on solid ground unnerves you
I've heard the sound of my voice,
It is beautiful
Most days pummeled by unkind thoughts
Forcing it to the ground
And silence is not discomfort
Rather quiet honest acceptance of myself

Why are you always so quiet? You ask
Because I know I have the strength to be loud.